Hey there !
I know I haven't been consistent in updating my blog and it's only being I have been having my exams. Exams suck, I know. My IGCSE's are in exactly 3 months and I'm freaking out big time. I haven't a clue on what to study for in college/university.
I just wanted to update you guys on how life has been these past 2 months or so. As some of you may know that I lost my dad almost 2 months ago and it has been tough. I haven't been getting considerably enough sleep for a few weeks because I've been having continuous breakdowns and it's really irregular. I would breakdown at the most random moments. I really didn't know it would be this hard to go through. Also, I have been feeling to torn away from my family and also my friends. I feel like I don't fit on anymore and there's just too much going on. No matter how hard I try to not let my emotions get to it, it eventually does and I breakdown.
I just, I just don't know how to feel anymore. I say this a whole lot but it's only true. If only I could just be and feel happy , now that would be bliss. I can't seem to grasp the fact that I lost my dad. I mean, yes he's gone but I guess I was never prepared for it. I wasn't prepared to accept his passing. I've never felt so broken and so lost. I would never wish this on my worse enemy. This pain just hurts way too much. I relapsed 3 days ago, the blade became my best friend for 15 minutes and I just lost it. I've held it in for too long and I didn't know how to handle too much at once. I didn't have anyone to just fall onto and cry my eyes out. I don't regret it but I do wish that wasn't my outlet.
To those who are going through the same thing, not only losing a loved one but also feeling lost, insecure and broken, please hang in there. I know it seems like it wouldn't get better but I promise, it will. I am here for anyone who needs someone to talk to , even if you just want to rant it all out, I'm here. Always remember, you are amazing and beautiful. You are worth it , you are so worth it.
Stay strong,
I love you.
Signing off ,
:*
xx
